Friday, December 18, 2009

Building myself and destroying my self-made self!

Its quite interesting, it took me I dont know how many years to BUILD myself UP, to realize today, its all bullshit. I buil up a npretty nice illusion. And now I have to de-construct. Obviously, I am not even saying that with any bitterness, its more like I am amazed, that what I thaught I was building was me, and that now, I realize its all a wonderful image, but to get anywhere close to a higher state of consciousness,, all you need is silence, joy and your essence. At least thats how I understand it today. If you are in contact with your essence, you are in contact with the universal essence as well, you are in contact with creation, and creation IS, simply, but it really is wonderful. And we each have it in each one of us, we are simply not taught on how to get to it. We pile up crap, (guilt, fear,etc)and then, well then undo it all.

I definitely see that I would not even have come to this realization without having gone through everything I did in my life, and for that I am grateful. The only thing we ever are guilty of, is repeating the same mistake. So, learn!

I am learning,and the more I let go of the crap i've build on top of my self, the more I love myself, and the more I love everyone around me, especially Cuauhtli that I am sharing my life with.

3 comments:

  1. After reading this, it made me think about this quote "I think somehow we learn who we really are and then live with that decision". From my perspective all I can say is that man, twenties are freaking hard, too much self-destructive behavior... You tend to cause the worst things to be happening in your life, it's not as much about building, but destroying. =D

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  2. I like this quote, and it is true in many aspects... We are taught that we must be "good"... we are are never told that to be "good" we inevitably must have a "bad" side too!!! Its called duality. We would not know what good is without the bad, we would not kknow what joy is without sadness, etc. Its an equilibrium. So exploring the self-dustruction, is hopefully gonna bring you to a great "construction" at some point. The idea is to explore one to get to another, and when you know both, then you are not scared of neither or, because you know them both. Consequently, you will know yourself.

    There is more to say, but this is what came up for now...

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  3. Wow, I have inflicted lots of self-destruction im my little life.

    Going from punishing myself, to starving myself,to self-mutilation, to a suicide attempt. I have been in some dark spots inmy younger years, but for what? Attention? Love? Understanding? Suffering? pffffff.all of the above probably.

    I have had a difficult adolecence, being very introverted, hardly speaking etc.but I do not believe I had any psychological support from my parents, and the way I tried to express myself was through self inflicting pain. Certain things are still stuck with me, and they are part of my inconscient now, but i will undo them. Jodorowsky gives me great hope with his psychomagic (to trick your own inconscience), I simply have to find my own :)

    My next post will discuss my patterns/beliefs/programming that I've acquired through the yearsand the work I will be doing to anihilate them.

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